LEARN HOW TO CLAIM YOUR FUTURE
My Approach: Healing the Child, Honoring the Adult
My mission is to help you bridge the gap between where you started, where you are today and where you want to be. I will help you rewrite the emotional blueprint you inherited from your family. While we will acknowledge where it all started, the real focus will be on helping you 'reparent yourself' in the present so you can create the relationships and the future you actually want
In this "lab," we look at how the past still lives in your present. We’ll look at the "why" behind your triggers—from childhood wounds to inherited family cycles—and provide the "how" for your transformation. Through compassionate coaching, I help you:
Identify the Blueprint: I will assist you to understand your unique attachment style and the survival strategies that once served you and your ancestors, yet no longer serve you.
Reparent the Inner Self: Provide the consistency, validation, and safety to your "inner child" that may have been missing across generations.
Break the Cycle: I will help you identify the patterns of silence, sacrifice, or conflict that have been passed down, and consciously choose a different path.
Build Secure Bonds: I will work with you so that you replace reactive habits with intentional, secure communication in all of your adult relationships.
You’ve spent years perfecting your survival. Now, it’s time to practice your thriving.
Most of us enter adulthood carrying a "manual" for relationships that we didn't write ourselves. We rely on survival strategies—like people-pleasing, withdrawing, or hyper-independence—that were designed to keep us safe in childhood but now keep us disconnected in our adult lives.
At The Secure Lab, I believe that while you didn’t choose your early blueprint, you have every power to redesign it.
The Lens: Multi-Cultural Roots & Generational Cycles
I grew up between a variety of cultures, so I know that the way we show up in our lives isn't just about us—it’s also about the stories, moves, and family expectations we grew up with. I will help you figure out which of those 'family hand-me-downs' are helping you grow and which ones you’re ready to let go, so you can start living and loving on your own terms.
Break the Cycle. Build the Bond.
You don’t have to stay stuck in the same loops. Whether you are navigating dating, deepening long-term partnerships and relationships both personally and professionally, or simply trying to find a sense of peace within yourself, I am here to help you move from autopilot survival to authentic connection.
It’s time to honor the adult you’ve become by healing the child you once were—and the lineage you carry. Let’s get to work.
Hi and Welcome!
So glad you’re here. I’m Rob Leyva
People often ask me, "How did you even become a Life Coach?" Most are usually looking for a story about a lifelong dream of helping people. And while that’s where I am now, my path here wasn't a straight line—it was a messy, hard-fought crawl out of survival mode.
The Survival Guide I Never Asked For
My early life was defined by things no kid should have to deal with: extreme physical and emotional trauma, abandonment, a broken home and a chaotic lifestyle. I learned early on that the best way to stay safe was to be a "pro" at people-pleasing. I got really good at reading the room and manipulating my environment attempting to avoid trouble.
By the time I hit adulthood, I was walking around with a survival blueprint I never asked for. For years, I ran. I moved away to "explore," but if I’m being honest, I was chasing something and running from something all at the same time. I knew very little about "healing work" let alone "attachment styles"— All I knew was to just keep moving. No intentions. No plans. No preparing for anything. Just keep moving to survive.
The 2020 Reality Check: A Long Road to Clarity
In September 2020, after the world hit the brakes, this is when my journey began - but with no intention, it just began happening on its own. I moved back to my hometown and ended up living with my stepdad while he and my mother were going through their separation. I needed to be away from my mom and my brother; at that time they were not safe for me. Was it awkward? Yes. Was it uncomfortable? Yes. Yet, it was exactly what I needed.
Eventually I began to start looking in the mirror, but this wasn't a one-and-done moment. It was a long, often emotionally frustrating process of trying different paths and methodologies to figure out why I felt what I was feeling. I dug through my own habits and triggers—the ones that, frankly, I hated seeing in myself. But through all that digging and searching, the fog finally started to clear. I began to understand that these patterns weren't actually mine; they were handed down to me. I started to see the "instruction manual" my parents and our family had been following, realizing we are all just repeating what had been modeled for us. It took time and a lot of honest work to truly comprehend it all, but that clarity changed everything. I realized the cycle didn't have to continue—and I was the one who could stop it.
Learning to Reparent Myself
The biggest piece of my puzzle has been my father. After years of him intermittently disappearing and then being absent for about 25 years, I got curious about who he had become and what that meant to me. In 2021 I went to see what this man was all about and who or what he had become. I went in with my guard up, ready to walk away the second he acted like the man I used to know.
But I met someone who had actually done the work and had grown. He had changed. He had healed.
Over the last several years, my Dad and I have built a relationship I never thought was possible. Today, he will still sit with me through uncomfortable conversations about the past and he provides a kind of "reparenting" that continues to change everything for me and for even himself. Without knowing, he and my Mom have taught me the ultimate lesson: We don’t have to carry the baggage that was handed to us. We can put it down.
So, Why Me?
I am a survivor of extreme childhood trauma who grew up in a chaotic single-parent home/lifestyle. I’ve done the hard work of reconnection—including rebuilding a relationship with my father after a 25-year "break" but also working hard to rebuild my own family, personal and professional relationships. I know what this journey entails because I live it every day. I still have to do the work. DAILY. I bring that lived experience, along with my training in Co-Active Coaching, to every session.
I’m here for you—all of you. Let’s stop surviving and start building a new blueprint that actually fits who you are.